Wondering

As I sit here writing this I wonder if anyone will even read this, or any other blog that I write. I decided to write a blog not necessaraly for people to read but for like a jernal really. My life is so crazy right now. It really sucks. Nothing is going right at all. It seems like if something can go wrong it is going wrong. When I think about it that is how my whole life has been. No matter how hard I have tried to make things work in my life things just never seem to work. My world always seems to crash down around me for no reason most of the time. Its like the Paula Abdul song two steps forward three steps back. I could see if I was a total witch to people and selfish and didn’t do things for others and wasn’t kind hearted, but I have always put others first and done things for everyone. I have always been the type to give my last dime to someone and give the shirt off my back to people. I give to the homeless, if the go shopping I buy for others not myself. But nothing ever goes right for me in my life.The only good thing in my life right now is my son. I went to college then to grad school. Never had much of a life growing up or in college have done nothing but work work work since I was 14, but do not have much to show for it. I just moved back home little over 4 months ago to help take care of my mother and my uncle that are not well health wise, and I can not find stable work. I worry so much and cry everyday about what I am going to do trying to support my son and myself. I do not sleep hardly. Hense why I am writing this at 1am. I look for work everyday that I can. Jobs that I do get called in for tell me that I am to qualified, and have even asked me why would I apply for an entry level job, or they tell me that they would be worried about hiring me because of my education that a better job might come up and I would leave. I think to myself, like I would not apply for the job if I didn’t want it….. I just need a job. I am out of savings that I had when I moved here. I just don’t know what to do. I am not one of those people that believe in welfare. I am capable of working and I want to work. I am not like others that have family to help I moved here to help with family that can not hardly help themselves. That is something that makes me so mad people that take their lives for granted and the one’s that have everything handed to them, and do not appreciate anything. I am the type that believes that anything that is given can be taken away but what I work for is mine and can not be taken from me. I am proud of what I do have and what I have worked for. I am just so tired and just do not understand why things are going so bad right now and what God is wanting from me. Sometimes I wish he would just send me a note and tell me what he wants me to do. I just don’t understand what he want’s from me. I am at the point were I just want to give up. I am so tired of being depressed, and tired of being tired of being depressed….. HELP

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